


Anodyne

by theanonymouslibrarians



Series: Faquarl Lives [5]
Category: Bartimaeus - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 20:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16502117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theanonymouslibrarians/pseuds/theanonymouslibrarians
Summary: Sometimes Faquarl wondered why he'd agreed to live on.





	Anodyne

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I do not own the Bartimaeus Sequence or any of its characters.

Sometimes Faquarl wondered why he’d agreed to this. He had _wanted_ to die. He had been _ready_ to die. How far he’d fallen in only a few weeks! To enslave spirits himself! To trade human masters for a spirit one! And to imprison a fellow djinni in a prison or silver without even a second thought! And then Bartimaeus had opened his mouth.

_“Please,_ _Faquarl_ _. We might be able to help you! At least let us try!”_

And that had just been too much for Faquarl. It was the second time Bartimaeus had pleaded with him that night. _Come on_ _,_ _Faquarl_ _. Don’t do anything you might regret._ He couldn’t deny Bartimaeus. Not this time.

But this...sometimes this life...this endless existence...he couldn’t see how the humans didn’t go mad! He slept, he woke up, he ate, and no matter what else happened throughout the day, the cycle repeated the next day. And he was always _trapped_! Trapped in this one body, this one _form_! And he was so alone! In the Other Place there was no loneliness...just a wonderful feeling of _togetherness_ and being _held_. Even when Faquarl had been on Earth outside of Hopkin’s body, there was at least the thought of returning home to console him. But there was none of that here. Only emptiness and solitude.

Faquarl had thought it would get better after the rebellion, but then Nouda had had the power of a raging inferno with all the maturity of a five year old. And then Bartimaeus had showed up and announced the deaths of his fellow conspirators and Faquarl had realized that he didn’t care. No sorrow. He hadn’t cared for their deaths one way or the other.

Maybe that was why Faquarl had taken Bartimaeus’ offer. The other djinni had made him feel something. Had pierced through the numbness and caused Faquarl to feel hurt and anger that the other djinni wasn’t standing with him, had chosen a _magician_ over him! And guilt, at all Faquarl had done.

Bartimaeus had always been able to feel things. Happiness. Anger. Exasperation. Everything had always been better around him. When the pain had gotten too much...when all he could think about was how angry he was...it had always been Bartimaeus who could distract him. No matter what the situation, no matter what was done to him, Bartimaeus always seemed to be able to shake it off. To move on. Sometimes this irritated Faquarl. Sometimes Bartimaeus’...free-spiritedness...his ability to laugh through the pain rubbed off on him and he was able to feel happy. And other times it just made him sad. But the pain was always less when Faquarl was with Bartimaeus. 

So _of course_ Bartiameus had been able to convince Faquarl to endure this...this torture...even though all he wanted was for everything to just end. And sometimes, when he was alone, Faquarl thought he hated Bartimaeus for talking him into this. For not just killing Faquarl when he had had the chance. But then Bartimaeus would stop by. And they’d bicker. Or they’d sit in silence. Sometimes they’d actually have civil conversations. And then the pain wouldn’t be quite so bad and Faquarl knew that he could never hate Bartimaeus. He was the closest thing to home that Faquarl had.


End file.
